History
article | Reading time5 min
Discover the explosive relationship between Madame de Sévigné and her flamboyant cousin, Roger de Rabutin !
Out of sight, out of mind
Two distant cousins
Today, it is impossible to talk about Roger de Rabutin without mentioning his lively cousin, but this was not always the case. They were close in many ways (they belonged to the same generation, shared the same culture and moved in the same circles), yet they had little contact during their youth.
Marie de Rabutin-Chantal's maternal family, the Coulanges, distrusted her paternal branch, the Rabutins. The biggest problem was their hazardous financial management : for this reason, they refused to arrange a marriage between young Marie and her dashing cousin, Roger !
Reproduction Hervé Lewandowski / CMN
A literary friendship
Two promising letter-writers
After her marriage to the Marquis Henri de Sévigné, Marie began to attend the Salons assiduously, where she met her dashing cousin Roger de Rabutin. The two soon hit it off and began a lively and sparkling correspondence. This family and literary friendship was to last all of their lives : despite the turbulence and even their falling out, they never stopped writing to each other.
Roger de Rabutin recognised his beautiful cousin's literary potential very early on : he said that Marie de Sévigné had real talent and did everything he could to help her break through as a letter writer. He copied her letters in quadruplicate and encouraged her children and those of the Marquise to keep them and publish them after her death.
Regards database / Centre for National Monuments
Two strong characters
Cascading rifts and scraps
However, their friendship wasn’t a smooth one : the two cousins got on like cats and dogs. They liked each other, but from a distance !
Each had a fierce competitive spirit, which was reflected in their letters : it was a contest for the best turn of phrase, the fiercest "picoterie", the best anecdote, just to silence the other. In this way, they invented a style that they themselves called "rabutinage" !
Their flamboyant characters could regularly lead them into more or less serious quarrels. The most serious of these lasted ten years.
Furious that she refused to lend him money to go on a military campaign, he wrote a vitriolic portrait of his cousin in his famous "Histoire amoureuse des Gaules", "accusing her of having a cold temperament, at least if we are to believe her late husband" (Henri de Sévigné had openly cheated on her with Ninon de Lenclos) and of "being irregular even in the colour of her eyes" (she had different-coloured eyes).
David Bordes / Centre des monuments nationaux
The final appeasement
In the twilight of their lives
With age comes appeasement. When Roger de Rabutin was released from the Bastille, Marie de Sévigné agreed to forgive her lifelong confidant, without ceasing to tease him about it!
The years of maturity also saw their estrangement. Roger de Rabutin was living in his Burgundy lands and could not go back to Paris to enjoy the Salons and the Court, while from 1671 onwards, tragedy struck the cousin : her beloved daughter married the Marquis de Grignan and moved to the Drôme !
From that year until her death in 1696, the cousin moved back and forth between Les Rochers and Grignan. Although they hardly saw each other any more, the correspondence between Rabutin and Marie de Sévigné remained as abundant as ever, sustaining a friendship that lasted for over 40 years.
Roger de Rabutin and Madame de Sévigné made no mistake about it. At the end of their lives, they would half-confess that they were nothing without each other:
I loved you all my life, my dear cousin, and even our little quarrels were not a sign that you were indifferent to me [...] What would I do in the world without you, my poor dear cousin? With whom could I laugh? With whom could I be witty? In whom would I have complete confidence of being loved?
Letter from Bussy to Madame de Sévigné, 5 November 1687
This friendship is reflected in the decor of Bussy-Rabutin's château, with the cousin appearing at regular intervals.
Why not pay a visit to our two masters of "rabutinage" and let them reveal their secrets ?
Benjamin Gavaudo / Centre des monuments nationaux